I know some of your minds are spinning just reading the title of this post! Honestly, my stomach is churning because I can’t believe I’m actually sharing this with you! I’m not sure how this message will be received but I am confident that someone will see themselves in this post and moreover will see the power of the true and living God! My only request is that you open your mind, your heart, and your spirit and let the Lord minister to you as you read. So here we go……
When I was 16/17 years old I began to dabble in recreational drug use. It was something that I occasionally did in high school and on into college. I would go months and even sometimes years without touching it, but then I would all of a sudden pick the habit back up. In 2010 I picked this drug habit up and I didn’t put it back down. I began getting high EVERY SINGLE DAY and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I could not wait to get off of work and get to my drug. We were homies! I know it may sound strange, but that was my reality. During this time I still had an amazing career. I was extremely active in my community. I mentored many. I actively participated in my ministry. And I still got my high on a daily basis.
Now I’m not naive. I’ve been in relationship with Jesus for a long time now and I knew what I was doing wasn’t “right”. But then I began to try to reason with God. I told Him that I would give Him everything else, but not my addiction. I loved getting high and I figured with all of the other ratchetedness I was letting go of, this would be an even trade off. Straight up FOOLISH, I know.
So here I was, a teacher (both in school and in my ministry), a preacher, a mentor, a prayer warrior, a servant, and did all of it well and was still an addict all at the same time. Suddenly I began feeling conviction when I got high. I told myself I could stop at any time, I just didn’t want to. I was convinced that I couldn’t’ be an addict, not me. But the truth of the matter was that quitting was a lot more complicated than I ever thought and that was because I had a real addiction.
In September 2013 I’d gotten myself into a really sticky situation. I was 2 months behind on my rent and I was facing eviction. It was a Monday (Labor Day to be exact) and I sat on my couch and started getting high. I was so stressed out that I just wanted to be as high as possible so that I would not be able to think about what was going on. The more I smoked, the more sober I was. I couldn’t get high to save my life. And as clear as day, I heard the Lord speak to me. He said, “You won’t be able to smoke this away, you’re going to have to let me take it away!” I put the drugs down that night and I haven’t looked back since! In the blink of an eye the desire, the taste, the addiction was gone! Only a true and living God could do it!
So here I am, almost 2 years later, and still drug free! I’ve been extremely hesitant to share this story. I’m a very private person and this story is allowing you all access beyond the veil of my life. Recently I’ve began sharing this testimony with others and to my surprise, people are being blessed by it. As much as I want to keep my business to myself, I understand that we overcome by the words of our testimonies. By keeping this to myself, I am denying others to know and see the power of a living God working in the lives of His people. This deliverance never has been about me. It is for the world to know and understand who God is and what He can do for those who believe and trust Him. Thank you all for allowing me to be candid. Thank you for not judging. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share what God has done to, through, and for me. I realize that I am TOUGH ENOUGH to tackle the obstacle of guilt, shame, embarrassment, inadequacy, and regret that came along with being an addict and you are too!